I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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