At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
either way he was missing a nipple.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
