saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
