i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize