I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
