Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
