found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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