the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
