best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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