dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
