Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
