last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
