Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am mentally ready for anal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
