Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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