Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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