I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
