I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
