he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
