Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
