I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My vagina is officially offended.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
