Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
