that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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