Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
