I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
