she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
