Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
