You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
