Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
