k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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