Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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