Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
