Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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