I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
