ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
