He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
