Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
