hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
