I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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