I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
