She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
