Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
