what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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