...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
youre lurking in front of me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
