So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You brought string cheese to the strip club
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
