My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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