I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
