WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
