areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
