I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
