We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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