Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
