Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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