I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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