...so i touched it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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