Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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