I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
