so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
