that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
