i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
