This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
