drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
