Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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