On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
