its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
