I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
