is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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