I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
