Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
