I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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