Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
