if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have feelings that need drinking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
