Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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