Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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