i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
