turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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